Nude Buttocks May Cost ABC $1.4 Million

Does a herd of half-asses equal a whole ass?

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Federal Communications Commission has proposed a $1.4 million fine against 52 ABC Television Network stations over a 2003 broadcast of cop drama NYPD Blue.

The fine is for a scene where a boy surprises a woman as she prepares to take a shower. The scene depicted "multiple, close-up views" of the woman's "nude buttocks" according to an agency order issued late Friday.

ABC is owned by the Walt Disney Co. The fines were issued against 52 stations either owned by or affiliated with the network.

FCC's definition of indecent content requires that the broadcast "depicts or describes sexual or excretory activities" in a "patently offensive way" and is aired between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.

The agency said the show was indecent because "it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs - specifically an adult woman's buttocks."

The agency rejected the network's argument that "the buttocks are not a sexual organ."

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Oh, F.C.C., you cheeky beggers, you've thrown me into a tizzy.

I am loath to display so much ignorance of human anatomy, but for all these years, I've been laboring under the delusion buttocks are to sit on.

I simply can't figure out how to excrete anything at all through my buttocks! Perhaps I am deformed.

Now since I know what they're for, what should I rest upon while seated? My laurels?